24.8.09

The Dog Who Stole My Soul


Long time no peek,

So I was sitting in the back of a Jeep Grand Cherokee. The fact that this is one of my favorite cars--why, I have no real idea--has nothing to do with anything. What also has nothing to do with anything is that the owner of the car, my girlfriend, likes the older, squared models better. I detest them; these differences are further away from anything relevant than I thought, but they are funny because she drives a car I love but likes the older models WAY better, go figure.

Honestly, the shit I am about to recap is so fucking funny that I have to delay. If you would have seen the look on this Shih-Tzu's smug little face you would have felt as the title presumes I did. Yes, presumes. I mean I felt, and still do feel, as though my soul was taken but I won't know 'til Judgment Day. So...we planned to have sex in the backseat of the Jeep to make an episode. Of course I'm down--I am retarded. She on the other hand is the woman I love, so whether or not she needed convincing means nothing as well, she's down.

We drive to the train station and decide to pull into a parking space so I can pull up to her bumper. (You may be thinking this is at night). You are so fucking wrong!!! This is at 3:30pm on a Thursday. All kinds of sunlight in this bitch. And this bitch happens to be a small Westchester Metro-North parking lot. We are not even all the way in the back of the parking lot because its broad daylight and there are people working there. The previous sentence conjures up the statement "this sounds like a bad idea," but when two people are already hot and bothered they don't bother to think beyond the hot.

I'm butt-naked with shorts and pants around my ankles, sitting in the middle seat. I'm butt-naked because I took my shirt off. It was as hot and humid as hell would most likely be during the NYC summer vacations of Satan. We had the A/C pumping harder than we were but to no avail it was ridiculous. Also, I was blasting Múm's "Yesterday Was Dramatic - Today is OK," because I get down to an assortment of things simply to keep the elitism on max. Now it goes like this, baby girl believes we are in a good spot because we are both looking in opposite directions and have a 360-degree view as a unit. But of course once we start kissing our eyes close. When I realized this, after about a minute or two of said activity, I opened my eyes to see the car left of us beginning to pull out. She opens are eyes at my "Oh Shit" response and repeats the phrase. We laugh at our stupidity and continue to get stupider.

I'm in there, and that means we are Clipse Grindin' for a hot second to only be stopped by my second "Oh Shit!" Yo, I look up to see an old Spanish Dude directly in front the windshield. We caught eye contact that was quickly canceled on both of our behalves. Baby girl hops off the dick like a rabbit and throws a towel over my crotch as if I'm still not butt-naked and dude couldn't have seen my erect dick between hop and throw. She's freaking out and I can't even begin to explain how funny this all was until it got worse.

I, because I am facing the front, am still looking at the dude to realize he was walking his dog. Who walks a dog in a parking lot? Whatever. He is walking his dog and honestly is quite respectful of these two young lover's retardation. He refuses to look back. But his fucking dog on the other hand!! Yo, dude walks his route in no rush maybe to keep things under wraps, maybe to get a peep at me doing my do. I have no idea, but as soon as he gets to the other car, looking the opposite direction, his dog looks back at the car. HIS DOG LOOKS BACK AT THE CAR TO STARE AT ME THROUGH THE PASSENGER WINDOW WITH THE MOST DISAPPOINTED LOOK A DOG OR HUMAN OR ANY LIVING THING CAN GIVE. What kind of dog has the keenest sense to look back at a car he or she just probably pissed on to find some young ones trying to have sex. The dog and I locked eyes WAY longer than the owner and I did. We locked eyes so hard that I am writing this. After a good 10seconds of staring the dog turned and walked away. I was appalled at the dog for its awareness and myself for being disciplined by a dog. Shit was wild. I could only turn to my girl and say the dog just stole my soul. She of course is just freaking out about sex and doesn't care that her boyfriend just lost the essence of morality, life, and reincarnation.

But anyway...

2 comments:

  1. haha. dogs are curious people.

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  2. dude, the thing about catching eyes with a dog while your having sex is that you need to kill that little shit(zu) within 48 hrs or it'll have your soul forever and there will be this whole freaky friday shit where you start to become more like the dog and it starts to become more like you.

    i hope i'm not too late.


    ps. youre fucking retarted hahah

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